Advice Column

Good news, readers. I’ve come across a noteworthy doctor who writes an advice column for the Wormwood Telegraph, the leading news outlet in Wormwood, West Virginia. Dr. Norbert Fish, an eminent psychologist, who completed his undergraduate studies at Wormwood University followed by years of practice in the Psychology Department in the School of Astrology at Uzbekistan University in Tashkent.

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TV Ads

Time Warner, our local cable provider, runs a news and weather channel. I check it several times in the morning for updates, beginning at breakfast. That works. What doesn’t work are the ads. Talk about irritating. I hate most of the ones they run for all kinds of organizations: insurance brokers, furniture outlets, local restaurants, tire stores, and nonprofits with a cause to name a few.

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Fur Fashion

I was watching a 1940’s detective movie the other night and in one scene a beautiful woman is sporting a mink stole. Rather than the just-fur model that was so prevalent, this one, upon closer examination, also included each animal’s head, feet, and tail too. Three of the critters sewn together so they hung around the actress’s neck, the feet and tail dangling below the body.

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Communicating with Horrible Drivers

Am I the only one who gets extremely irritated by other drivers who tailgate when they don’t think I’m driving fast enough? They hang back three feet from my rear bumper, often flashing their lights or honking their horn. Or drivers who, after passing me, cut so quickly in front of me, I must brake to avoid hitting them. And then there are those drivers who are puttering along in front of me at ten, fifteen, or twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. All, irritating as hell.

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Road Signs

Some years back I was in Cincinnati driving through a neighborhood when I spotted a street sign that read Van Kirk Way. Wow, how much fun is that, I thought. I got out of my car and took a closer look. Too high to reach. What if I came back with a ladder? A quick unbolting and it would be mine. I was sure the City of Cincinnati wouldn’t miss one lousy street sign. I studied it further. Then I noticed that it was secured to the metal pole by way of a unique looking bolt I had never seen before. It dawned on me that, of course, street signs would be attached in such a way that dopes like me driving by couldn’t make off with one.

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