Communicating with Horrible Drivers

Am I the only one who gets extremely irritated by other drivers who tailgate when they don’t think I’m driving fast enough? They hang back three feet from my rear bumper, often flashing their lights or honking their horn. Or drivers who, after passing me, cut so quickly in front of me, I must brake to avoid hitting them. And then there are those drivers who are puttering along in front of me at ten, fifteen, or twenty miles per hour under the speed limit. All, irritating as hell.

Obviously, we are all emotionally in-control folks who, when these things happen, just take it in stride. We may mutter to ourselves about the thoughtlessness of others, but mostly just suck it up.

Then again, wouldn’t you just once want to articulate how you feel to these uncaring morons. Yes? Good, because I have the answer. Robert’s Rooftop Readerboard. What a concept! A two-foot-high, four-foot-long electronic sign that attaches to the roof of your car. It comes with a standard set of messages. Or, with a wireless handheld keyboard, you can type in any thought you want to convey to the person driving behind you. What a complete driver communication package. Now you can tell the person behind you exactly what you’re thinking about their dreadful driving skills. 

For those that are in front of you with whom you feel the need to communicate, just honk your horn to get their attention so they can read your message in their rear-view mirror. I know what you’re going to say. How can they read it from a rear-view mirror when the letters and words will be backward? Not a problem! Brilliantly, Robert’s Rooftop Readerboard reverses the letters and words as they scroll across the front of the sign. Talk about thinking of everything!

And check this out. All messages are in bright red, LED letters, legible in bright sunlight or the dark of night. Nice.

The standard message package includes:

Pleasant                              Forceful                                             Provocative

Please Back Off                   Back Off Immediately                       %*#$@!

Uh Oh, You Cut Me Off     I’m Phoning the Highway Patrol       #*&^%!

Please Move to the Right     Move Over Now                                &%$#@

Speed Up, Friend                  Faster                                                $%&#*                         

And for Fun                                                  

THERE’S AN ARM HANGING OUT OF YOUR TRUNK

As soon as I get Oluwafunso in Nigeria to wire me back the money he suggested I should send to him last month and promised he would triple it overnight, we’ll launch into production. Talk about one excited inventor!!!