Canadian Cold Air

Forget about all the discussions concerning our southern border. We have a much bigger problem to solve. I’m hugely concerned about the nefarious activity along our northern border.

So, what’s going on up there? Every winter the Canadians, when they’re sick of living in an icebox, send their cold air south to the U.S. They don’t ask if it’s okay, they just send it. We’ve all heard the weather forecasters:

This is a Weather Alert. Tomorrow the United States will experience a massive cold front moving in from Canada. The system will bring below zero temperatures nearly everywhere. Warning: Remain indoors until Spring.  

Think about all the snow and ice storms, the impassable roads, the auto and truck accidents, the downed power lines, and the closed businesses and schools. Hell, they even have a name for these meteorological intrusions—Canadian Clippers.

Meanwhile, as Americans are taking a pounding, the Canadians are running around in their tee shirts, shorts, and flip flops. 

How do we solve this problem? It’s simple. Take all the money politicians are lining up to spend on “Infrastructure” and invest it in an array of enormous fans placed on hundred-foot towers along our border. Stop the cold air masses from ever arriving. Blow it all back into Canada. Let’s be clear, Canadians choose to live in a country next to the Arctic Circle. We didn’t. Make America Warm Again.

Now some might say, “Bob, those fans would be ugly to look at.” I say no way. What’s along our entire Northern border? Trees, billions of trees in which to hide the fans. Way out in the forest.

The exception would be the City of Detroit. But have you seen photos of present-day Detroit? A few fans would actually spruce up the place. New and shiny objects in a city that hasn’t had that look in years. Or the City Council can spring for some green and brown camo paint, so the fans will look just like trees. An arborescent delight. Finally, as a bonus, the fans will provide “white noise’ so residents won’t hear as much gunfire at night. 

There you have it. Problem stated, solution defined. I’m here for you.